7 Ways to Effectively Reach the 21st Century Urban Adolescent

On of the greatest things that has ever happened to me was being told that I had a gift of working with young people. As a Brooklyn NYC native and an urban youth myself, I never thought I would have spent 10 years of my career impacting "me and my friends" of today. I can remember Ms. April Leong speaking truth into my life as a young 23 year old. "Aswan I have teachers that have been teaching for 20 years and they can't do what you do with kids." She had been an educator fighting for urban youth for years and saw something in me that I never saw in myself. Due to her cheering and encouragement I found part of what I was created to do; impact urban youth. As a result, I have garnered inquiries from companies and organizations all across the country regarding effective ways to engage urban youth.

When attempting to engage urban youth the biggest mistake is pretending. Presenting oneself in a manner that is not authentic often leads to the discrediting of your attempt. Simply stated "it's wack." Rather, it is true authenticity that connects with urban youth best. By doing so you allow an urban youth to assess whether or not they want to connect. Once urban youth decide to connect its truly genuine. Now, what you have to understand is much of the credibility that urban youth garner, within the culture, is determined by their ability to be "real." As a result, if "being real" is how credibility is earned within urban youth culture then outsiders must live by the same code of conduct. As the streets would say "real recognize real." Simple as that.

This may seem like a very simple principle, partly because it is. Consistency is seen as a respected skill or talent. Now we must make sure we understand this simple but profound truth. Consistency in values is the emphasis here. Be a person whose words and actions line up. Being consistent with your discipline, for example, if your a parent or a teacher, is vital to your ability to deeply and effectively engage urban youth culture. This means that situations can't determine or augment your values. If you are firm on punctuation, then always be firm on punctuation. Now, here is the key. Whatever measure or standard that you set, you must also live by that same standard. So as a teacher or parent if punctuation is your fight, then you must work extra hard to uphold that in your personal life. Don't show up late to events, don't say you will be there and show up 15-20 minutes after that time. As a teacher, start when you say you will start and leave when you say you are going to leave. It may be rough but respect and credibility are sure to follow. And without respect engagement can be extremely difficult.

One of the biggest gifts my father left me before he passed 2 years ago was his presence. Wayne B. Morris made sure he was at every game, made sure he came to every event, school function, award ceremony, and social function I invited him too. It was his presence that spoke to me most as a parent. Same goes for my coaches and mentors who made themselves available for me. But that was physical presence. There is another way to be present that can be described as being "in-tune." Not only was my father physically present, but as a parent, he knew what was happening in my life. He asked questions, he dug a little, and he didn't accept my "fine" as sufficient. If you are a teacher, a mentor, a youth pastor, or coach, one of the biggest avenues for engagement is being present. Not just physically but be "in-tune" with what is happening, how it is happening, and most importantly, why it is happening.

One of the by products of doing the first three is "earning the right to be heard." Now that you have been authentic, you have been consistent with what you say and how you live, and urban youth see you as present both physically and emotionally, you can "tell the truth." This is vital. No urban youth wants a truly authentic relationship that they can "walk all over." I have found that the urban youth I am most connected to, especially as a black man, are those that I have bene able to "call out" and speak truth to. Urban youth know that there are unhealthy behaviors they engage in. The question is who loves them enough to tell them to change. Who cares enough to jump in the mess and provide an alternative. Many urban youth see being told the truth about themselves and their situations is an act of love.

Sometimes the cry of an urban youth is for someone to save them from themselves. But when focusing on the rough exterior or the language or the proverbial trust issues, that cry gets drowned out. But as my counselor has taught me "hear the cry behind the cry." It is every adults job to listen not just hear. If you are a parent, a youth worker, a youth pastor, mentor or coach, your #1 job is to listen. Urban youth want to be heard. Where else do they get to talk about themselves, without judgment, for more than 2 minutes? Social Media? Home? School? Church? Probably not. Consequently. if you are responsible for the setting of one of those atmospheres then listening must be a value that is set, maintained, and affirmed. Period!

Boundaries are necessary. Why? Because they set the tone and parameters of the relationship. When I started working with urban youth after growing up in Brooklyn I had to learn this the hard way. I was often seen as an older brother. No matter the setting. Whether I was teaching in the NYC public school system, coaching basketball, or being a mentor. However, once I set boundaries I was seen more as a dad. That was an honor for me. I was a young black dude in his 20's having these 15,16,17 year old adolescents calling me "dad." There is nothing like it. But for me, being able to say "don't call me after 10pm" was key to my success. It was understood that calling me after 10pm signified an emergency. Much of my work was started when I was single, as a married man, this became even more vital. I had to show that my students and mentee's were important, but so was my family and personal time. This became a place of empathy and a "for sure" connection point.

Whatever success looks like to you may not be success to them. Let's make one thing clear. I am not saying lower the bar. What I am saying is that success can take on many forms. My dad was great at sales. And he learned a cool thing that he became a master at. It was called "mini-closes." Essentially what he did was get his client to say yes to many preliminary questions. If they could say yes to many of the preliminary questions then when he asked them if they wanted to buy they would say...."yes." I think the same can be applied to engaging the 21st century urban adolescent. You may have to congratulate and affirm the small things. You may have to make a big deal about the menial first. How does this help engagement? You become a cheerleader when almost everyone else is seen as a competitor or enemy. And that my friends is the most effective way to engage. Finding the right side of the line to be on may take time but it is well worth the investment.